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3st Semi-Frequent Evel Tool Power Drag Races

ONE WEEKENDS. . eekends. . . eekends. . .eekends

At Scollan Ranch. . .anch. . .anch. . anch

Located in the alley between 25th and 26th streets, North of C street in Midtown Sacramento. Ride a bike, do not park in the Alley. Respect our neighbors.

We have Kieth Lowell Jensen emceeing and our beloved president Duckie (aka Britney Spares) leading the cheerleaders. Evel Kneivel's bastard twin brother Awful Knawful will ride his motorbike through sheets of glass and fire.

Sacramento
May 10th 2008
6-9pm

Engage yourself in steel chromed insanity!

Ensure your glorious death!

Experience tools rigged to take on the most challenging course in history!

Thrill to the electrically powered dragsters as they somersault over the Scollon Ranch scramble van!

YES! IT'S *THESE* (adjective removed due to copyright violation) TOOL DRAG RACES!!

And this year we got a fucking ramp. Unlike those Friscotards who keep rehashin' the same ole tired concept.

Watch the dragsters jump your encyclopedias A through W!

Sensational leaps over our neighbors ditch!

Spellbinding! Mystical!

Live life by the seat of your pants!

Feel the fresh air on your face and the wind blowing through your hair!

Become the last gladiator in the New Rome!

GO, GO, GO!

Compete against destruction! ... and win!

Its sure to be glorious!

You all must make your mark!

As a Daredevil. Remember that this is a city born of heroes. That one CAN make a difference.

Action and disaster sold separately.

3st Semi-Frequent Bobby Burns Memorial Urban Golf Classic

This year We meet up at Old Weathered Soul. If you actually care about the course we have a fancy Web 2.0e map for your perusal. From there we set off on a whirlwind tour of midtown establishments that have refined the art of pouring alcoholic beverages into glass vessels worthy of touching the lips of thirsty golfers.

We stick out like one of Bobby's wonderful shirts on an overcast day in front of grey buildings. We swing golf clubs at any number of small, roundish objects, with a passion few could possibly understand. People will be stunned, cops may be called, balls likely will be lost, and at least once, there will be a close call with a big ball, a crepe, and a bald man. These things will happen. We will not relocate to a park, as there is no beer there and We can't play Urban Golf in a park! We are determined to play our 9 hole course through.

As always the rules are:

1. Do not use a real club. It tends to freak out the normals, and cops can be called.

2. Use a soft squishy ball, stuffed animal, hacky sac (you hippies..), or small furry woodland creature. The point is to not do any damage when you hit some guy's car.Tennis balls seem like a good idea, but you will be chasing your balls more than drinking in bars, so choose your 'ball' carefully.

3. WHEN the cops are called, be polite. They aren't paid enough to put up with our crap. Chances are, they will tell us to be careful and that they will have to shut us down if they get any more complaints, blah, blah.... smile, say yes sir, thank you, we'll be more careful,....etc. take another drink and yell fore!

4. There is no rule four, It helps to avoid confusion with the rule of fore.

5. Wear loud clothing and think fondly of Bobby.

6. Stay the fuck out of traffic. That is the one thing the cops WILL come out for quickly.

7. Tip the bartenders.

8. generic rule that will be made up while we go..

A President's Welcome

Our First Last Sunday Church Service and Easter Beer Hunt was a complete success. We even dun rustled up a new president. Get to know him in his own words:

I Duckie, As your President I am VERY devoted. To beer, firearms and Mayhem.

I am proud to welcome myself to the Sacramento Cacophony Society, as your President! a community with a lifelong passion for television and IKEA furniture, craigslist and bacon exploration. It is a community that strongly believes working a boring job in an office will help create a just and better world.

Within the Sacramento Cacophony Society you will find a dull discussion where undedicated faculty and staff engage with talentless and unenergetic students to shape a dynamic community devoted to doing absolutely nothing. I REQUIRE you to explore redacted emails to learn more, and I INSIST you filter redacted's email so as not to experience what little he has to offer (yes ladies I am aware but no I am not reffering to his Penis no more e-mails to inform me are needed). I also INSIST you send nothing to the President unless it has a pink background ( floral scented preferred white background with pink lettering is acceptable.)

Cacophony is in a powerful, pivotal time in its life. We've come straight from our dull day jobs and strive to make our mark on the world. We are happy you have risen to the challenge to make the current discussion list members become critical thinkers, ethical decision makers and most importantly *contributing members* of the local Sacramento Cacophony Society.

If you believe, as I do, that Cacophony empowers, transforms and opens doors; if you challenge yourself, as I do, to act, to lead ( that's me!) and to give generously to others ( yeah,not so much); if you insist, as I do, that the world of ideas demands Cacophony, then this is your place. Welcome to The Sacramento Cacophony Society. Toward a new tomorrow. Good luck and Godspeed and may the power of beer compel you

Britney Spares, lunatic, total bitch and Secretary, office of the President Sacramento Cacophony Society Please do not reply directly as I will be out of the office shaving my head, lossing my kids and attacking paparazzi until I regain my sanity. The president can be reached at redacted

It's good to be the President!

Last Sunday Church Service

One thing most evident from the fragmentary accounts that have come down to us, is that nowhere on the wide earth can one find a more hopeless, desponding group of people than Cacophony who lay vanquished and dead in the tomb of Eris of Discordia. The spring of their life is broken. There's nothing to look forward to, the men are gloomy wondering if they must go back fishing. The sobbing women are preparing spices to embalm the dead body. Cacophony is dead, Hallelujah! You are a pope. FNORD!

In celebration of our rebirth:

The Sacramento Cacophony Society presents our first Last Sunday Church Service.

To kick off we'll have:

Drinkin

Singin

Preachin'

Gamblin'

Snake Handlin'

Easter Beer Huntin'

Bring some food, because we all get hungry.

You may not only be a member but YOU may also become the next president of the Sacramento Cacophony Society IF you attend this event.

Location is

2518 B & C Alley (26th and C st, Sacramento, then head toward the tracks, left into the alley).

Time is 10am.

All are welcome.

Sacramento Santacon 2007

A good time was had by most!  The image gallery is up.  We hovered around 50 Santas all day and night. The shoppers and others were delighted and scared to see us. We got blogged about and touched on in the Sac Bee.  Another great year for Santa and the Sacramento Cacophony Society.

Stick Pony Rodeo

Take a dozen sticks, a few pony heads, a 55 gallon oil drum, a couple of gigantic penises, some chaps, lassos and a heaping helping of mischief, shake and pour into downtown Sacramento. This concoction was so strong they didn't see us coming and they had no idea what hit them when we were gone. Yee Haw. By the end of the day they sent the paddy wagon after us. Mosy over to the Gallery to view the evidence.

Clown Bowling

Take the Cacophony Society bowling, take them bowling... When you've got to bowl, you've got to dress up. When we dress up, it usually hurts. There were 20+ clowns, bowling, drinking, laughing, scaring people, and pushing our school bus up an overpass when it died. Head to the Gallery to see a small slice of the mayhem.

2004 Critical Santas

We had twenty Santas, a school bus, and as much randomness as we could pull together. Oddly enough, we picked up random people at almost every bar we went to, forcing them into santa suits and teaching them our very special art. At times, it was a bit like the taping of "Santas Gone Wild", with bare asses and gawking onlookers in all directions. Amazingly, we only had one "interaction" with the "fuzz", and they just stopped to say hi and see what we were up to. Head to the Gallery for images of the fun.

Our first big event: Critical Santas

Success! We had some good times on Buy Nothing Day. Fourteen Santas headed out of The Gallery Horsecow in Sacramento, spending the day educating consumers, goofing off, and making children smile. In the evening, our faithful and sober bus driver took us out to all our favorite bars. Check out the image gallery for 101 incriminating photos of the event and pre-event meetings/parties.